The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
