I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
