I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
vagina is talking i cant
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
