so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
