yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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