I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize