he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
