I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
