Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
