My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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