batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
