dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She bit a glass in half.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Randomize
