i don't plan on having that self control this summer
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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