your parents love me but you hate me
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
