just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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