They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
