My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
