The maid of honor just puked.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
