There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
