areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
