I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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