you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I feel like a drive thru vagina
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
