He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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