so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
