He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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