She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
