Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I checked into jail on foursquare
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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