You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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