oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
