his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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