Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
