The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
That was an excessively violent trivia night
This baby is an asshole
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
