I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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