ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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