Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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