I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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