the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
