what day is it and did you see me today?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
