The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
