Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
