you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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