I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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