I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize