well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He kissed a someone with a penis
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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