Don't make out with my wife yet
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
