Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
