Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
