It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
