Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
