I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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