You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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