Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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