Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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