Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
