This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Come on in and take your pants off
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