The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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