Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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