In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
