and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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