you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
