We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
