I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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