Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
