Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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