the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
