I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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