So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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