I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
