M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
