so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
