I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
