Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
