i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
